Because, feelings.

I should stop pinning all the blame on PMS. (Though sometimes it REALLY is her bloody (hurhur) fault!) I should just admit that, you know what? I am only human. (I forget some times.) And it's natural to feel these emotions from time to time.
I shouldn't need to limit myself from feeling the full intensity of them - Suppress them. Bury them (subconsciously) under the pretense of PMS.
They are a reflection of the state of my mind; my response to the situations i'm put in.
And only by admitting (to myself) how i truly feel without playing it down will I be able to get to the root of the problem and resolve the issues that are causing them.
Why am i apologizing so much for it? WHY? Is it wrong to feel?
You are not a fucking robot addy, you are not infallible and unfeeling.
No one should expect you to be all calm, composed, tolerant and patient 24/7, yourself included. You are not a bloody saint. It is unnecessary to act like one.

I think a part of me does that because I know PMS is something that will pass.
And it's much easier to believe it will go away eventually than facing the problem head on. (Unless i'm truly content and there really isn't any thing 'wrong' with my life. A sudden and extreme shift in emotional state could then be attributed to the PMS.
That has happened before but I haven't been paying much attention to the exact details recently. May need to start differentiating them properly.)

On a separate but somewhat related note, I am also reminded that I should not put all my eggs in one basket;  that no one is indispensable; that one can never expect a single person to take on everything for them; that perhaps I shouldn't offer information that wasn't asked for - You can't expect someone to want to listen to something they didn't ask about right? That's not particularly wrong. (I always only ask when I have the intention of really wanting to know so I should know better. Lost a bit of control there today. Feelings... :| )
I thought it would be different in a relationship, but i suppose not?
I'll admit. I just lost a bit of faith.
There seems to be only 2 ways this can be dealt with - me closing up and turning to others when need be, or him changing. Both seem selfish and fucked up in their own ways. One deals with being hesitant and not being truly open and honest, (Once bitten, twice shy though, you know..)  The other takes a lot of effort on his part - and I don't want him to feel obliged to change because of me, can't expect it either. A relationship is about acceptance after all... right? Right? Is there a mid-ground that i'm not seeing here?

Hrmmmmm.....

I miss my fluffy tissue cat.
She always listens.
She. is close to being indispensable.
Anne too.

And I would do the same for them, always.