I can hear

the desire, the disappointment and the control in your voice.

I know you still want me to be on top, it's very clear.

Yet you stopped, to prevent yourself from pressuring me too much,

and I appreciate that.

As a mother, i know you want the best for me. For me to be more than average. For me to excel. To be everything I can be, be better than everyone else, and more. To "succeed in life".

But you know, I really don't care so much about that anymore.

I don't need to compare, don't wish to compete obsessively.

It's not that i've lost my fighting spirit, not that i've given up, not that i want to be or remain "average", it's just that I wish to go on with life at my own pace, enjoying what i do without unnecessary pressures. I don't want all these "accomplishments" or "ranks" to tell me who I am. Succeeding in life isn't defined by the amount of money, cards, car, house or branded crap I'll have either, and you know. I have no need for that, although i suppose it's nice to be given some sort of recognition for my work once in a while. I am clearly not a defeatist, nor am I someone who'll do shitwork, if i can help it. And I think my expectations for myself, and the perfectionist streak in me will not allow for too many mistakes as well. I will always do my best, try my best, at the least try. So don't worry. I won't die out there, not so easily; not without a fight. I will stumble, I will fail, I may become top, maybe not. I may even become bankrupt and lose everything. Who knows. But I can promise you that i will always stand up, eventually.

And I will certainly. NEVER. become a useless bum in society.

That's one thing i will make sure of. That's a pride thing. LOLOLOL. :I

One day, I hope you will hear me out without too quickly assuming I'm a ''failure'', feeling too disappointed in me. I hope you will see what i see.