oh WHOOPS.
i never realised that i had used oh-so many profanities in my previous post.
my bad, no free fucks ok? :D
so anyways, this post isnt something humorous.
(not as if my other posts were either D;)
i've been reflecting recently,
(after about 3 months of fun and games huh?)
and i started wondering what life is really about.
my opinions on life change everytime something happens.
but generally, why am i here?
i seriously don't know.
i don't know what i'm trying to prove about myself,
or why i do things that are the exact opposite of what people tell me to,
or why i laugh at stupid things & mock others,
or why i'm so bent on competing with peers,
or why i'm so self conscious about my image although
i dont really give a flying hoot about what others think,
or why sometimes i just waste my life away even though when
there's a chance that i can do something useful,
i'd rather ignore it.
i don't know why i don't feel very happy with what i have now.
i don't know how i can ever change that.
i need answers.
but i know that no one actually has them,
not even myself.
and that's what i'm supposed to be looking for.
i've reach a phase where i'm pondering over the meaning of my life,
thinking if i've made the right choices
and deciding what to do with myself.
and i guess you could say i find that life sucks.
i dont really know because, it's not to that extent.
on the surface, nothing is wrong - really.
but i just cant help but feel that my emotional problems
are a hell load to deal with more than anyone elses'.
and no, not just LOVE or whatever there was of it.
it's way deeper than that superficial shit
although i whine and whine about it at times.
so many people have their own issues - i can sympathise with that.
but why is it that even though mine arent as severe,
i keep making it seem as though it is.
i don't go hungry, i have pocket money,
i can go to school, i have a family,
i have some friends, and i have so many material things
that many people wish they had.
why am i unsatisfied?
am i sick in the head?
i think so. :\
oh well,
all i can say is that..
i don't feel like i'm a part of anything.
not a family, not a friend, or anything.
call it insecurity or whatever you want,
but there's no doubt that i think life is not worth living for at times.
then again, i'm not going to be brainless and think of suicide,
that'd just ruin my 'reputation' of being a wise-ass.
..although, it's a considerable option at times, huh?
ok, baaaaaaad addy! NO CUTTING.
CUTTING BAD FOR HEALTH.
BLOOD CAN BE DONATED TO THE NEEDY.
CUTTING ONLY STUPID EMONANASHITHEAD PEOPLE DO.
YOU NOT THAT, SO YOU NO DOING THAT.
AND ADDY ONLY LIKE TO DIE IN HER SLEEP.LOL.
:)
well,i'm just feeling down.
not that i was ever feeling up LAH. :{
no optimism in sight.
ok - bottom line.
i'm lonely,
SO SHOWER ME WITH ATTENTION PLEASE.
not. i'd rather talk to my doll.
i meant, i'd like to find out why i'm here.
is there a purpose for me? to be someone, to help someone?
either ways, i'm hoping to find an outlet to get away from everything.
- even for a day.
maybe a dreamless coma would work? :O
but nah, i dont want to miss lessons.
oh well, from what i know or have attempted,
the only thing i can do to get my mind off painful things is to keep myself
preoccupied; with no time to reflect or care about anything.
does that work for you guys? LOL
it's not working currently,
BUT I'LL GET IT TO WORK!!~!`!~1`!1!!
alright, bye!
HAPPY LIVING! LOL
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